my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
