I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
