It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
