i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
