Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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