O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
