Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
