R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
