your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
They are going to name an STD after you.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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