I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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