so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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