I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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