I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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