How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
