The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
