To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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