Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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