so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
