he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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