so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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