Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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