Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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