I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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