She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
