P.S. I can't hear my feet
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Randomize
