there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
