I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
