So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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