You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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