so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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