What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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