That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
