i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i drank out of a bidet.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
