a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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