Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
