I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
two words: eviction party
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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