oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
