It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
