I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
