the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
