1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
