your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
