Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
