She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
