just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
