And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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