return my video game
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
