Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
