apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
