Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
a search helicopter?!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
