we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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