I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
