I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
