This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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